just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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