Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
