I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize