so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
