I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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