i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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