oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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