Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
