can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
My liver just had a heart attack.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
