Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
