i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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