Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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