so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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