I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
