Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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