You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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