dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
What a dumb baby whore.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
