So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
