i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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