i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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