thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Randomize
