Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
