My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
