You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
