her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
