therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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