I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
