I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
