She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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