i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
