i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
