it hurts more in the daytime
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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