I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
