The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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