I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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