I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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