so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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