Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
