Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
