I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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