Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
