apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
