I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
