I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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