Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
