Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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