Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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