my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
