Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
