I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
