that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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