i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
