I wish I could teleport
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
