you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Randomize
