Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
