the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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