i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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