I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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