It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
