Who did Billy Mays play for?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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