pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
last night I used snow as a chaser
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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