I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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