After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Randomize
