I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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