I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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