"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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