I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
