Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
My liver just had a heart attack.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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