I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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