I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Randomize
