Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
