SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
