i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize