it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
