You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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