it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
