feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
