apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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