Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
