so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
