I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
