they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
