You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
