Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize